The sad reality of being a longtime free agent in football: 'It was like torture'

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FT Desk

The life of a professional footballer is often glamourised by big salaries, fast cars and luxury houses, but what happens when a player goes over a year without a club?

That's exactly what happened to Connor Wickham, whose career took a downturn after suffering a cruciate ligament injury while at Crystal Palace.

After breaking through as a teenager at Ipswich and quickly emerging as one of England’s most highly rated young strikers, the Englishman then moved to Sunderland in a big-money deal and later joined Crystal Palace, but recurring injury problems slowed his progress and stopped him from building real momentum at Premier League level.

"I was flying at that point," he told Sky Sports. "It was all starting to really, really come together. I was really coming to my peak.

"When I did that, it absolutely rocked me at the time and the rehab probably didn't help a lot. If I didn't do my ACL, I think I would have been on a completely different path."

After his return, he struggled to get a sustained run of games, spending time on loan and then moving through a series of short spells at clubs including Preston North End, MK Dons, Forest Green Rovers, Cardiff City and Charlton Athletic.

CONNOR WICKHAM. WOW 🤯

The striker gives us the lead at Carrington from the half way line. 🔥 pic.twitter.com/YcTIUwgDZ0

— PFA (@PFA) September 3, 2025

Following that period at Charlton, Wickham would go 18 months without playing at professional level, constantly trying to prove his worth and fitness to potential new clubs.

"I had quite a lot of stuff going on in my personal life at that time. There was bits going on that limited me to where I could go and what I could do," he revealed.

"I managed to get into a club to train with. It was a mixture between first team and U23s, but it was still a really good standard. There were two top members of staff that I'd known throughout my career and they were really accommodating. I owe them a lot.

"I was training four or five times a week and fit all season [in 2024/25], so I was ready to go at whatever time. It was just a shame that all the opportunities I was getting were four or five hours away. At that time, I had to prioritise my family."

Life as a free agent proved tough for the now 33-year-old, who described watching football as a form of torture at the time.

"I got to the point where I couldn't stand watching football because I knew I could do what I was watching other people do. It was like a torture session, almost like a jealousy thing. I want to play, I'm ready to play, I'm fit to play, I can do it.

"There's a lot worse that people go through in life than not playing football. But when it's your bread and butter, when it's your life, it does become really, really difficult.

"But I guess you either succumb to it and choose to give up or you just bite down, keep going and stick with trying to see the bigger picture and knowing this isn't forever.

"My mindset at that point was, if I switch off and just completely stop and the phone rings, I'm going to regret it if I don't do it. It's probably one of the toughest things that you could go through as a player. But at the end of the day, when you get back on the pitch and you're kicking the ball around, you'll always be grateful that you kept going.

"If I had stopped, I don't know where I would be, but in my mind I was never going to stop. I was never ready to stop. I think that's just a bit of the grit and determination that you develop over the years of being in professional football and luckily being at the levels that I was playing at. It was ingrained in me to keep going."

Wickham credits his partner and his parents with helping him through the tougher moments of that period.

"My missus has been great in trying to keep me on it," he added.

"On the down days, she's there to give me the little pep talks and be a little bit of encouragement. My mum and dad are second-to-none. Without them, who knows?"

From PFA pre-season to the UAE ✈️

Congratulations to Connor Wickham on securing a move to First Division League side Dubai City after a spell at PFA pre-season over the summer 👏 pic.twitter.com/srfc82Vjgz

— PFA (@PFA) October 1, 2025

In order to find a new club, Wickham took part in PFA pre-season, a summer tournament which is designed to help free agents try and find a new team. He went viral during it when he scored from the halfway line and, off the back of it, he earned a move to Dubai City FC.

Though he was excited for an adventure abroad, he didn't like the standard of the game.

"There were a few opportunities to stay in England at that point, but I was looking for an experience; I wanted to play abroad, I wanted to see what it was like," the striker explained.

"But as soon as I got there, I realised how much I've still got left to give. I would get frustrated at results or certain standards or certain levels. The lads were brilliant, don't get me wrong. The coaching staff were brilliant as well, but I think it's just the culture out there. They're very relaxed, very chilled. I probably wanted to win too much.

"I just realised that maybe I have to get back to England because that's just where the drive is. The culture is more physical, the demand to win, the standards, the drive you get from the team and the club and being in that environment, that's more where I am mentally.

"I'd give the lifestyle a 10 out of 10, but it's more of a holiday place than a football place for me."

Ultimately, Wickham is determined to find another English team through any means possible, having experienced a league that wasn't suited to his abilities or physicality.

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FT Desk

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